Never alone
by Mccordclan
Summary: Stevie immediately pulled her sister into a tight hug and murmured comforting words while rubbing her sisters back, an act their parents always did when they were little. Once Allison had calmed down enough Stevie pulled back and took her sisters hands in hers.
1. Suspicious

Stevie has noticed some strange behavior with her sister lately. Alison would be up before Stevie got up for her internship even though she was usually a late sleeper, and Stevie hadn't seen her eat a full meal in over a week. At first Stevie had chalked it up to nerves over her school work, but after about a week Stevie decided to bring it up to her.

One morning when her parents had already left for the White House, Stevie found Allison at her usual spot at the kitchen table, doing work on her computer.

"Hey, Alison can we talk for a sec?"

"Yeah sure, what's up Stevie?"

"Well, I could ask you the same question. You've been up before me every day this past week, and I've barely seen you eat anything. Is everything alright?"

Alison just stared wide eyed at her sister for a few seconds before suddenly dashing to the nearest bathroom. Stevie wasn't far behind, and held her sisters hair back as she dumped the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

Once Alison had finished and was able to sit up on her own, Stevie got her a glass of water and waited patiently for an explanation.

"S-stevie I'm sorry." Allison choked out.

Although Stevie didn't want to believe it, she had a pretty good idea of what was about to come out of her sisters mouth.

"I think I might be pregnant Stevie." Alison said in a rush, accompanied by a round of tears. Stevie immediately pulled her sister into a tight hug and murmured comforting words while rubbing her sisters back, an act their parents always did when they were little. Once Allison had calmed down enough Stevie pulled back and took her sisters hands in hers.

"Have you taken a pregnancy test yet?"

The only response she got was a slight shake of her sisters head.

"Alright, well we need to start there, but I'm gonna be late for work as it is, so why don't I grab one from the pharmacy on my lunch break and I will come home so we can find out together?"

"You'd really do that for me?" Alison questioned.

"Of course Ali, you're my little sister, it's my duty to be there no matter what."

The two sisters embraced on the bathroom floor for the second time in a matter of minutes before slowly getting up.

"Will you be ok while I'm gone for a few hours?"

"Yeah I think I will be fine, and Stevie, thank you."

Stevie looked solemnly at her little sister, "anytime Ali."

Stevie was having a tough time focusing at work, her mind kept going a mile a minute worrying about what would happen if her little sister was actually pregnant. Her mom was about to run for President, and an unplanned pregnancy was not the thing she wanted to kick off her mother's campaign. But she knew she shouldn't be obsessing over it considering it wasn't even confirmed yet.

When the clock finally hit 12:30, and Stevie could take her lunch break, she was equally relieved and nervous. She quickly ran into the drug store and bought a pregnancy test unnoticed, which she was thankful for. The last thing anyone needed was someone snapping a photo of Stevie with a pregnancy test.

Alison was waiting for her as soon as she got home.

"Did you get it?"

"Yes. I will wait out here while you pee on it, but I can come in when it's time to look at it if you want?"

"That would be great, thanks." Alison responded.

A few minutes later Alison called Stevie into the bathroom and said that the test should be ready in two minutes. Stevie was unsure of what to say so they both stood there in uncomfortable silence for what felt like eternity. They were both so wrapped up in their own thoughts that when the timer went off they both jumped.

"Stevie, can you please look at for me. I don't think I can." Alison pleaded.

Stevie didn't really want to look at it anymore than her sister did, but she knew she had to for Alison, so she reluctantly agreed. She grabbed the stick off the counter and flipped it over looking at it with nervous eyes.

"What does it say?" Alison impatiently questioned.

"Pregnant."

A/N: I've been dying to write this story for some time now, but since finals are done I actually have some time!! I have most of this story planned out in my head so expect updates pretty frequently. Also, reviews and constructive criticism are always welcome!

-N


	2. Confirmation

Alison could have sworn her heart was going to beat right out of her chest. Even though she knew she heard correctly, she still couldn't believe the word "pregnant" actually came out of her sisters mouth. "How could this even be possible?" She thought to herself. She was on the pill, she shouldn't be pregnant, but there was no denying it now. The morning sickness, feeling over tired, but not being able to sleep, it all added up.

"Alison, I know this is scary but you have options. You can get an abortion if you want to, but whatever you decide I will support you." Stevie said.

Alison knew Stevie was trying to help, but god she couldn't even think about abortion right now, how was she supposed to make that decision. And if it ever got out to the public it could ruin her moms chance of being elected.

"Ah yeah, um I'm just not really sure what I want to do." Alison stammered out.

"It's gonna be ok Ali, I promise. But I think you should make an appointment to go see the doctor, and have them confirm it."

Alison just nodded along in agreement.

"Look Ali I really wish I could stay but I have to get going back to work. Call me if you need me alright?"

"Ok."

Alison felt Stevie pull her into a tight hug before she left muttering a string of apologies as she went. Alison turned and looked at herself in the mirror, suddenly her body didn't feel like her own. She couldn't stop thinking about the fact that there was another human growing inside her. She lifted up her shirt and stared at her flat stomach in disbelief. This all felt like some kind of sick joke.

Before long Alison found herself curled up in her bed hugging her childhood stuffed animals as she finally let the tears escape. She wasn't sure how long she cried for before drifting off into a restless sleep. She woke up two hours later to her nightmarish reality. Deciding Stevie was right, she called her OBGYN and made an appointment for the next day, praying Stevie had some time off of work so that she didn't have to go alone.

Alison had spent the rest of the day trying, and failing, to focus on doing her school work. She was relieved when Stevie finally got home and said that she had some extra vacation days so she could go to the doctors. Alison truly wasn't sure what she would do without her sister.

Their next task was hiding all of this from their parents. Luckily they had been busy at work and hadn't noticed Alison's odd behavior. Stevie then spun some lie about an old friend from college that was in town to explain her sudden vacation day, which her parents easily bought. And Jason, well Jason was oblivious as ever. He was too stressed about college decisions to pay any attention to his sisters.

The next morning the two walked into the doctors office sporting ball caps and sunglasses. They really didn't want to be recognized considering the circumstances. Lucky for them it wasn't that busy, and they were called in right away.

"Hello girls, my name is doctor Curtis how are we today?"

Both sisters responded with a fake "good".

"So Alison, it looks like you think you might be pregnant?"

"Yeah."

"Alright then, I'm gonna ask you some more questions and then I will send you for a blood test."

After a series of highly uncomfortable questions Alison was sent to the next room for a blood test. They told her and Stevie that it would take a few hours before the results came back, so the two girls decided to get lunch in the meantime. Alison could barely eat however, she was nervous even though she was pretty sure she knew what the results were going to be.

And sure enough when the doctors had called her back into the office they confirmed what she already knew.

"So Alison, it looks like you definitely are pregnant. Our test estimates you are about six weeks along, and we recommend getting an ultrasound to check everything out, though it still is very early on so we won't be able to tell much."

"Ah yeah that sounds good."

"Ok I will go ahead and order one, just wait here it should be about twenty minutes."

Once the doctor had left the room Alison turned to Stevie, "will you stay with me for the ultrasound?"

"Of course Ali."

Alison held on to Stevie's hand as they spread the cold gel on to her stomach, it took a little bit of searching but the nurse finally found the embryo.

"It might be a little hard to see but that little dot right there is your baby."

Alison just stared at the screen not knowing how to react.

The doctor looked over the ultrasound and said everything looked great but then the dreaded question came, "are you planning on continuing to full term?"

"Ummm, I'm not really sure at this point." Was the only response Alison could muster.

"Ok well, you still have some time but the sooner you decide the better."

And with that, the doctor left the room, leaving Ali and Stevie alone.

"What are you thinking Ali?"

"I don't know. On the one hand I'm not ready to be a mom at all. And with moms election coming up and everything it's quite possibly the worst timing. But on the other, I just keep staring at the sonogram picture, and I don't know that I can go through with an abortion."

Stevie nodded her head in understanding,

"Ali I will support you no matter what you decide, but why don't you take some time and think it over."

A/N: thank you to all who followed, favorited, and reviewed! I highly appreciate it as it puts a smile on my face every time! Also happy holidays! Sorry this took a little long but this past week has been really busy. Just a disclaimer I have never been pregnant so I apologize if any of this is incorrect, and please feel free to let me know if it is! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I promise more interesting chapters to come!


	3. Motherly instincts

Elizabeth McCord was not as oblivious as her daughters thought she was. It was almost amusing at this point that they thought they could hide something from her. She may be Secretary of State, but she was also a trained CIA analyst, and more importantly their mother. She recognized the girls odd behavior but she wasn't quite sure what was causing it. She noticed the way Ali and Stevie shared cryptic glances across the dinner table, and the way that they always seemed to be talking in hushed whispers. It was starting to really bother her, she couldn't understand what was so secretive that they couldn't just tell her. Was it about her job? Did they not want her to run for President?

The breaking point for her came when Stevie announced that she was taking the day off to visit with an old college friend that was in town. Stevie was good, but not good enough, and Elizabeth knew she was lying. Unfortunately, she had a bunch of important meetings to get to that morning so she couldn't investigate more.

That night when she came home she asked the DS agents if anyone came or went this morning, as they keep a log in order to keep track of the family's whereabouts. Their answer puzzled Elizabeth, apparently Stevie and Ali left together around 11 and did not return until after 3. Elizabeth thanked them for their help and continued inside, now with more questions then she had answers.

It was a late night for her, so she wasn't surprised to find the rest of her family had already gone to bed. Henry had waited up and was perched on their bed engulfed in a book when she walked in. His smile upon seeing her was quickly replaced with a frown when he saw her face.

"Hey sweetheart, you ok?"

Elizabeth laughed at that. To Henry she was an open book, he could always tell when something was troubling her.

"Hmm, have you noticed any odd behavior from Stevie or Alison?"

"No, why, is something wrong?" Henry questioned back.

"I'm not sure, the two of them have been acting weird lately, and you know how Stevie suddenly took the day off of work to visit an old college friend, well I checked with the DS agents and apparently Stevie and Alison left together this morning for several hours."

Henry now wore the same concerned expression she did. He highly doubted Alison just tagged along to meet up with Stevie and her friend, which meant the friend was probably a total lie, so what had the girls been doing? It was unlike them to hide something from their parents. Both parents were equally confused.

Henry pulled Elizabeth into a tight hug, knowing she was stressed out about out this already.

"It will be ok, I'm sure whatever it is the girls will come forward sooner or later." Henry reassured her.

Elizabeth just nodded in response. Henry, while as sweet as he was, did nothing to expel the uncomfortable twist in her stomach. She continued to get ready for bed before joining Henry. She laid there in silence for a few moments before rolling over to face him.

"I miss when they were little, and they would tell us everything. I mean Alison could never hide anything from us when she was young. Remember that time when Stevie was ten and she tried to organize a surprise dinner for our anniversary but then Alison told us by accident?"

Henry smiled at the memory. Alison had been so excited when he picked her up from school that afternoon.

 _"Hey Ali, how was school?"_

 _"It was so much fun, Miss Jones got a fish tank for our class and we got to name the fish, it was awesome!"_

 _Henry laughed at his daughters excitement._

 _"Alright noddle, I have to stop at the grocery store before we come back to pick up Stevie from soccer because we need to get food for dinner."_

 _Before Alison could think it through she blurted out, "oh don't worry about that daddy, we are making dinner."_

 _Henry was perplexed, "what do you mean honey?"_

 _"Nothing!" Alison replied too quickly._

 _Henry turned around to face Alison._

 _"Noddle, are you and your sister planning on making dinner tonight?"_

 _Tears started streaming down her face as she nodded her head. Henry thought his heart was going to explode at the sight in front of him. He wondered how he got so lucky to have two such kind loving girls._

 _"It-it was supposed to be a surprise."_

 _"Oh, baby it's alright. Surprise or not, your mother and I will love it."_

 _"But Stevie is gonna be so mad at me, she told me I couldn't tell." Alison hiccuped._

 _"I will talk to Stevie and explain the situation, Alright?"_

 _"Ok."_

Henry was pulled from his thoughts when he heard Elizabeth sniffle. It was then that he saw the tears pooling in his wife's eyes.

"I miss our babies Henry."

"Me too."

All Henry could do was wrap his arms around his wife and hold her. And it was in that position that the two fell asleep.

Elizabeth awoke with a start, sensing something was wrong she just wasn't sure what yet. And then she heard it, Alison's sobs accompanied by Stevie's hushed whispers. She got out of bed and was going to investigate when she heard Stevie say that they needed to go to the hospital. At this Elizabeth ran into to the room, much to the shock of both of her daughters.

"What's going on?"

A/N: ahhh ok so I hope you guys like this chapter, sorry for the cliff hanger but it had to be done. Let me know what you thought in the comments, and as always thank you to everyone who followed, favorited, and reviewed thus far!


	4. Heartbreak

Alison awoke suddenly to sharp pains in her stomach. She had no idea what was going on but it scared her a lot. _Maybe it was something I ate._ But the pain only continued to get worse, she sat up swinging her legs off the side of the bed wincing as her feet hit the cold hard wood floor. She made her way to the bathroom squinting at the harsh bathroom light, but her heart broke when she looked down. She had blood all over her pajama pants. With shaky hands she tried her best to clean herself up and put a pad on before rushing into Stevie's room. For a second she felt bad about waking her sister up but she knew it need to be done.

"Stevie! Wake up, wake up, something's wrong." Stevie sat up with a perplexed look on her face. When she saw what time it was alarm bells started going off in her head. _What's wrong, why is Alison waking me up in the middle of the night?_

"What wrong Ali?"

"I'm bleeding, like a lot and I don't know what to do."

Stevie's heart sunk at her sisters words, it didn't take an expert to figure out that bleeding while pregnant wasn't good, but she tried to keep calm for her sisters sake.

"Ali, we need to go to the hospital ok?"

Before either girl could get another word out they were interrupted by their mothers concerned voice.

"What's going on, why do you need to go to the hospital?" Ali and Stevie both shared a look before Alison burst into tears collapsing in her mother's arms.

"Mommy I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." At this point Elizabeth was throughly confused, but she held her daughter and rubbed circles on her back murmuring comforting words. Luckily Alison regained her composure rather quickly.

"Mom, I-um found out that I am-was p-pregnant, but I uh just woke up and my stomach really hurts and I'm bleeding, like a lot." Alison chocked out.

Elizabeth stood there in shock for a few seconds, her mind couldn't comprehend what was going on, _Alison is pregnant, or was?_ The weight of that last thought broke her heart, but she couldn't go there, not now.

"Well your sister is right, we need to get to the hospital to get you checked out ok? I'm gonna go grab my things, get your coat and some shoes and we'll go."

Alison nodded as she wiped the last of her tears away. Stevie was already up getting her things together when Elizabeth pulled her both her daughters into a tight hug.

"It's going to be ok." She reassured both of them.

Elizabeth felt like she was living in a nightmare as she made her way back to her room. Henry was stil sleeping peacefully, unaware of anything currently going on with the women in his life. For a second Elizabeth wanted to let him continue sleeping but she knew he would never forgive her if she did.

"Henry, wake up."

"Hmmm what, what time is it?"

"It's the middle of the night but I need to take Alison to the hospital." At this Henry bolted upwards almost knocking heads with his wife.

"What wrong, is she ok?"

"Well, no, maybe, I don't know. She is pregnant and is now bleeding and having cramps."

Henry gawked at what his wife said, _pregnant?! Alison?!_

"But Henry someone needs to stay home with Jason so he doesn't wake up to no one, plus I think it might be best if just Stevie and I are there at first. I don't know how Alison is going to react and she might feel more comfortable with just us for now."

Henry nodded in understanding, though he wouldn't claim to be happy about it. He wanted to be there with his little girl, holding her hand every step of the way. "Promise you'll let me know as soon as you hear anything?"

"I promise."

"I'll call Blake and let him know what's going on. Just take care of our girl."

"I will Henry. I love you."

"Love you too."

A/N: well... I suck haha. Sorry for not updating for like a billion years. Winter break was crazy busy for me and then I went back to school and second semester was wayyy harder than the first so I got caught up in that and kinda forgot about this story. But that being said I do want to continue. I know this wasn't super long but I wanted to get something out so that people know I didn't abandon it forever. I hope to get another chapter up soon, but I need to do some medical research before I do so it might take a few days. Please let me know what you think in the comments, those are what inspired me to keep writing! (Also it's current 1:30am when I'm writing/posting this so please excuse any grammar mistakes)


	5. Helpless

Alison didn't know what to think at this point. She thought finding out she was pregnant was her hardest day yet, but depending on how the next couple of hours go that could change. She held her moms hand in the car as the DS agents drove them to the hospital. _Mom must be so disappointed in me. It was usually Stevie making the mistakes, but now I've made the biggest one of them all._ Alison held back tears as she thought about how she had let her whole family down.

"We are here noodle." Elizabeth said, noticing Ali had been lost in her thoughts. Ali's head snapped to attention at her mother's words and she reluctantly got out of the car. The three McCord women were thankful that it was the middle of the night so not a lot of people were at the hospital to notice them, but even still the DS agents took them in a side entrance straight to a private room that they had called ahead to get.

Alison walked into the hospital room and the first thing she noticed was how cold it was. Grey walls and the harsh white light suddenly made Ali very anxious. The weight of what was actually happening started to hit her. She was pregnant and bleeding which meant she was probably miscarrying, and she should be happy about it. She wasn't ready to have a baby, nor was she even sure she was going to go through with it, but there was a part of her that hoped that maybe it would work out. The last thought really scared her. _I shouldn't be hopeful about this. There are so many reasons I should be relieved so why am I not?_ She didn't have time to ponder these thought more because the doctor walked in.

"Hello my name is doctor Stevens, I'm one of the ER doctors here. Now according to the call we got from your DS agents it looks like miss Alison recently found out she is pregnant but is having some bleeding, correct."

"Yes that's correct." Alison responsed.

"Ok. So first off Alison I want you to take a deep breathe because we are going to figure this out. Now I won't lie to you, bleeding while pregnant is a cause for concern, although you already know that which is why you're here, but it doesn't necessarily mean you're having a miscarriage. Sometimes there are other explainations for the the bleeding, but we are gonna run some tests and see what's going on."

"Ok." Alison meekly responded.

"I have a series of questions to ask you that might be a little uncomfortable but we want to have all the information we can so that we make sure you are correctly diagnosed. Would you like your mom and sister to stay in the room?"

"Yes please." Alison said while looking between both her sister and mom. Stevie and Elizabeth just nodded their heads, and Elizabeth grabbed Alison's hand giving it a tight squeeze.

Elizabeth stood stoic as the doctor interviewed Alison. She knew she needed to appear strong even if she felt like she was about to crumble inside. Although the doctor said there could be another explaination than miscarriage, the more she heard Alison describe her condition the less hope she had. Though as this point she didn't even know if she should be hopeful. With everything happening so fast she never had a chance to ask Alison how she felt about the pregnancy. _Did she even want it? Was she planning on keeping the baby?_ A mother should know the answers to these questions but she didn't.

Once the doctor had finished the interview, and Ali's vitals had been taken the doctor ordered an ultrasound. She told them that a nurse would be in in a few minutes, and left them alone.

Elizabeth looked over at Ali who appeared to be lost in thought again.

"Hey noodle, will you tell me what's going through your mind?"

Ali looked over at her mom feeling guiltier than she ever had in her life. She had no idea what to say, but she decided to go with the truth.

"I'm sorry mom. I know you're probably really disappinted in me right now. I'm disappinted in me." Ali said as tears began to roll down her cheek.

Elizabeth was stunned at her daughters words. Of all the things she was feeling right now, disappointed was not it.

"Noodle, honey what are you talking about? I'm not disappointed in you."

"You're-you're not? But I got pregnant, right before you're announcing your run for President. Do you know how bad that's going to look, I can already see the headlines and gossip columns talking about the great Elizabeth McCords disgraced daughter. Or well I could at least before ya know." Ali said gesturing to her stomach.

Elizabeth was kicking herself for not realizing why Ali hadn't told her. She was afraid of what was going to happen to her campaign, and now Elizabeth was the one who felt as guilty as ever. She promised herself she wouldn't put her job before her kids. Her most important job was mom, always, and she had failed. When her daughter was going through her hardest time she hadn't come to her, instead she hid it. Elizabeth felt like the worst mother in the world, and she wanted to cry, but she couldn't, she had to be strong for Ali.

"Ali baby, listen to me. You could never disappoint me, not ever. I am so proud of you, and everything you've accomplished. I agree this wasn't an ideal time to get pregnant, but I would never want you to hide something from me for fear of how it would affect my job. That's not your problem to worry about. Ever. Do you understand me?"

Alison was taken aback at how passionately her mother spoke to her. She's started to realize she probably should have told her mom from the start.

"I understand. I'm sorry mom. I was just so scared and I didn't know what to do."

"I know baby it's ok. And Stevie," Elizabeth said looking to her eldest daughter, "thank you for stepping in and helping when I wasn't there."

"I would do the same thing one hundred times over if I had to. Anything for my baby sister." The McCord women joined each other in a group hug for the second time that night but pulled apart not long after when they heard a knock at the door which was quickly followed by a chorus of "Come in."

The nurse rolled in the ultrasound machine in and started to get it set up as Alison rolled up her shirt and wiped away her tears. Stevie grabbed Alison's left hand while Elizabeth grabbed her right. There was an audible hitch in Ali's breath when the cold gel was put on her stomach. All three women waited in silence as the nurse attempted to find a heartbeat.

Suddenly Elizabeth wasn't in the year 2019 but rather in mid September 1990, in a very similar room in a similar but different circumstance. Henry has just been deployed to desert storm, and Elizabeth was trying to busy herself with work to stop thinking about him when she started getting sick to her stomach everyday. She tried to play it off as just a bug, but the longer it went on the more she started to suspect that wasn't just a bug. When she finally worked up the courage to buy a pregnancy test she was both overjoyed and disappointed that it was positive. She always knew she wanted kids with Henry, but she also knew he wouldn't be home for many months, and the thought of having to go through this pregnancy alone made her incrediably sad. She barely had time to get used to the idea however when she woke up a week later bleeding. In her mind she knew exactly what was going on but she didn't want to believe it. When she went to the doctors they asked if she wanted to call someone to be there with her and she said no. If she had to experience something as awful as this it was better to do it alone. At least that's what she originally thought, but there's nothing that can prepare you for when the nurse says she can't find a heartbeat, that you've lost the baby. No one should ever go through that alone, and as Elizabeth was pulled back to 2019 by the sound of the nurses voice she sent a silent thank you to the universe that she could be there for her daughter. As long as she breathed, Elizabeth would never let her kids go through something like this alone.

A/N: I hope you guys like this chapter. I know there wasn't a ton of action going on but I thought the internal and external dialogues were really important at this point in the story. I plan on doing at least one more chapter, maybe two we'll see. Don't worry Henry will be in the next chapter and this won't be the last time we hear about 1990 era Elizabeth! As always please leave constructive comments/ criticism, I'm not a writer but I'm always trying to improve!


	6. Begin Healing

The nurse's words echoed in Alison's head, "I am unable to find a heartbeat, let me go grab the doctor." Deep down she knew this was going to happen, but that didn't help. All she could think about now was going home and pretending like none of this happened.

When the doctor came in she finally said the words they had all known were coming, "Alison you've had a miscarriage. But I want you to know that it wasn't your fault. Do you understand me?"

Alison just nodded her head but the doctor pressed on, "when this happens many women try to find some reason, and when they can't they often turn to blaming themselves, and I don't want you to do that. This was not caused by anything you did or didn't do. Sometimes these things just happen, and I know that seems like a lame answer but I want you to believe it."

"I understand." Alison replied.

Elizabeth knew this was not the last conversation they were going to have surrounding the topic. No matter how many times you hear that doctor say it wasn't your fault, it takes time and healing to fully believe it. In that moment Elizabeth would have given anything to save Ali from that pain. She'd go through it again herself if that meant her girls didn't have to, but unfortunately that's not how life works. She couldn't protect them from heartbreak, but she'd be the shoulder to cry on every time.

Once the doctor had finished explaining what Alison could expect over the next couple of weeks, and left to get the discharge papers, Elizabeth excused herself out into the hallway. She hadn't realized it before but as she attempted to call Henry she noticed how shaky her hands were.

It only took one ring before Henry picked up, "Elizabeth, how is she, is everything alright?"

Suddenly she felt bad for not updating Henry earlier, she realized all this time he must have been anxiously awaiting news. "Hi, yes she will be ok, but she did loose the baby."

"Oh." Henry responded lamely. He found himself at a loss for words. "Well, tell her I'm thinking about her and that I love her."

"I will. She's getting discharged now so it shouldn't be long before we're home, but all of us are pretty tired so I think we'll all just go back to sleep."

"Yeah of course. I called Blake, he told me to tell you that you're all set, the deputy secretary is going to cover for you for the next few days, should you want. He also said that if anyone asks he will just tell them you are sick until further instruction."

Elizabeth smiled, leave it to Blake to have already thought of everything. "Thank you Henry. I love you but I have to go, it looks like Alison is ready to leave."

"No problem babe. I love you too. See you soon."

Meanwhile, back in the hospital room Stevie was awkwardly trying to figure out what to say to Alison.

"Hey Ali, when we get home mom and dad are probably gonna be worry warts so if they start bothering you let me know and I will talk to them."

Alison wasn't sure if she had ever been more thankful than she was for her sister, without even telling her, Stevie knew exactly what Alison was most worried about. She didn't want to be coddled and pitied, she just wanted everything to go back to normal.

"Thank you Stevie, for everything. I don't know what I'd do without you." As cheesy as it sounded Alison meant every word of it. She truly didn't know how she would have made it through all this if she wasn't able to confide in her sister.

"Anytime Ali."

On the car ride home Ali started to drift off. The stress and trauma of everything that had happened made her exhausted, and instinctively her head slowly fell on to her mother's shoulder. Elizabeth just looked down and smiled. For the first time in many hours Ali looked at peace. But it didn't last long as they arrived at home, just as the first light of day made itself known.

Henry was right at the door to greet them, a somber smile on his face. He wrapped Ali up in the tightest hug he could. He thought about what he should say but then realized he didn't need to, the hug was enough to convey everything he was feeling. Once Alison had pulled away he gave Stevie a quick hug, whispering thanks in her ear for everything she had done. Then he hugged Elizabeth, and he was surprised at how tightly she held on to him, much like a lifeline. He knew this whole thing was upsetting, for all of them, but Elizabeth appeared the most upset, even if she tried to hide it.

"I think I'm gonna go back to bed." Ali stated.

"Right behind you." Stevie replied.

Once upstairs Stevie saw Alison hesitate at her door, it hit Stevie then that the last time Alison had slept in that bed she had woken up in a horrific state. Even though Stevie could see that their father had changed the sheets and made the bed, Stevie could understand why her sister was apprehensive.

"Hey Ali wanna sleep in my bed with me?"

Alison just nodded her head as unshed tears threatened to fall. Once changed the two collapsed on the best and just as quickly as they had been woken up hours earlier, the two were asleep. Cuddled up together they were very much reminiscent of younger versions of themselves.

Downstairs Elizabeth moved slowly through the house putting her stuff away, taking note of how clean everything was.

"Henry did you clean the entire house while we were gone?"

"Uh yeah, I was just trying to keep myself busy."

"So you really didn't go back to sleep at all?"

Henry just looked at her incredulously.

"Lizzie, did you really think I was gonna be able to sleep?"

Elizabeth should have known better. Henry cared about their children just as much as she did, and she wouldn't have slept if she was in his position either.

"No I guess not." Elizabeth sighed.

"Lizzie what's going on, you seem off?"

"Our daughter just had a miscarriage, I should hope I seem off." _Leave it to Henry to be able to read me like a book._

Henry just stared at her for a second. Sure he was sad for his daughter too, and he wished with his whole heart that this hadn't happened, but Elizabeth seemed lost. He thought when he spoke to her on the phone, and when they first got home that she was just unsure of how to act around Alison, but now that both girls were upstairs asleep he realized this was more. She just looked so...fragile.

"Elizabeth what is really going on?" Henry said taking her into his arms.

For the first time that night Elizabeth finally allowed herself to feel all the anguish that Ali's miscarriage had brought up. She started to sob into Henry's shoulder, and she realized after all these years she'd have to tell him her secret.

A/N: sorry this took kinda long, I've been working a ton, and I'm taking a summer class so finding the time to actually sit down and write hasn't been easy, but I hope you guys liked this chapter! I know I said maybe only two more chapters after last chapter but there might be more. I'm not gonna take a guess at how many, I'm just gonna see where the story goes! Also, thank you thank you thank you for all of your lovely comments. Truly they brought a smile to my face and I wish I could reach through the screen and give you all hugs for being so supportive. With so many mean people on the internet I feel lucky to have found a community of such positive people!


	7. Revelations

Henry couldn't figure out what was making his wife so upset. He'd only seen her break down in tears like this a handful of times. He wished there was something he could do to make her stop, it scared him to his very core to see her like this.

"Elizabeth, you know you can tell me anything right?"

She nodded her head taking a few deep breaths, but it did nothing to calm her hammering heart. After all this time she was finally going to tell him.

"H-Henry there's something I need to tell you." Elizabeth paused unsure of how to continue, but a reassuring squeeze from Henry gave her courage to continue on.

"A while back I-uh had a miscarrige."

Henry just stared at her for a second taking in her words, and gathering his thoughts.

"Was it mine?"

"Yes."

Henry was trying to be as patient as possible because he knew how sensitive this topic was for her, but he wanted to ask a million questions.

"When did it happen?" He asked softly.

"About a month after you were deployed to desert storm. I had only known I was pregnant for about two weeks when it happened."

"Why didn't you tell me."

Elizabeth could see the hurt in his eyes, and she almost broke down again right then and there but Henry deserved answers so she had to hold it together.

"You were away at war. We could only communicate with letters, and even then sometimes they would take weeks to get to you. I didn't think it was fair for you to have to read a message like that half way around the world. I knew you'd be concerned and you'd want to be with me but I couldn't risk you being distracted. You weren't going to be home for months, and I needed you to come home in one piece. Please Henry you have to understand I wanted to tell you but I also knew that if I told you and it threw you off and something happened to you I would never forgive myself."

Henry did understand. Though it killed him inside, he wasn't there and Elizabeth was only trying to protect him, but it still didn't explain why she didn't tell him when he came home.

As if she could read his mind she continued on, "I was planning on telling you after you got home but honestly I was so happy that we were finally together I didn't want anything to ruin it. And selfishly I enjoyed the distraction, having you home made me forget all the pain. Telling you meant I would have to relive it all over again, and I wanted to move on. Nothing you or anyone else could do was going to change what happened, and I made peace with that. And then suddenly I got pregnant with Stevie and life moved on so I did too."

"Is that why you were adamant that we couldn't tell anyone till the 12 week mark with Stevie, because you were worried you were going to have another miscarriage?"

Elizabeth just nodded in shame. "There were so many times I should have told you, that being one of them, but the more time went by the easier it became to just put it out of my mind. I'm sorry Henry I should have told you, you deserved to know and it was selifish of me."

Henry wanted to be mad, but he couldn't be. He was disappointed, but not with her, with himself. His wife should have felt like she could tell him anything and she didn't. He was also angry, angry that society made women feel guilty or ashamed of something far beyond their control.

"I forgive you Lizzie. Though I would have wanted to know so I could've been there for you I understand why you did what you did."

For what felt like the billionth time that day Elizabeth fought back tears. She would never understand how she got so lucky. Henry was everything that a man should be and more. He had every right to hate her but he didn't. As far as she could tell he wasn't even mad.

"Thank you Henry for everything. I know you wish you could have helped me through it, but even without knowing it you did. You came back to me after the war, you loved me, took care of me, and gave me three beautiful children. You helped me more than I could ever ask for. I love you."

Henry took his wife's face in his hands and looked directly into her eyes before kissing her tenderly.

"I love you too. Now let's go upstairs and get some rest."

Henry wanted to talk about it more, he wanted every detail, but he also knew his wife was exhausted and that she'd need sleep. He wasn't there to help his wife all those years ago, but he was here now, and he wasn't ever going to let her forget it.

A/N: I know this chapter is shorter than average, I felt like if I made it any longer it would almost be repetitive, and given their situation I figured they'd talk about it a little and revisit it later. I had some writers block writing this, and I don't feel like it's my best work but I wanted to give you guys something, so please forgive me.


	8. Finding peace

Alison awoke with a start. For a second she didn't remember anything, but seeing her older sister curled up next to her reminded her of everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours. Her cramps were still pretty bad so she decided to go get some more advil.

Once downstairs she saw her dad sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper.

"Hey noodle, whatcha up to?"

"Just grabbing some advil."

"Are you hungry, do you want anything to eat?"

As if on cue her stomach grumbled loudly, and now that her dad had brought it up she couldn't remember the last time she had eaten.

"Yeah I think I am."

"Ok let me make you some eggs, how does that sound?"

"Perfect" Ali responded.

Ali made her way to the kitchen table and scrolled through her phone while her dad made eggs. She could tell by his deamenor that he had no idea how to act. She couldn't blame him though, she herself didn't know how to act.

The eggs only took a few minutes and soon Henry had joined Alison at the table, but she could feel Henry's eyes on her as she ate.

"Hey noodle I know I'm not your mom or your sister, but I will always be here for you should you need me."

Alison smiled at her dad, she hoped one day when she was ready she'd have kids with a good man, one who would love them and protect them just like her own dad has.

At that very moment Jason walked down the stairs.

"Morning. Where's everyone else?"

Alison just cast her eyes down, suddenly finding her lap very interesting. Henry, not knowing what to say just looked helplessly between his son and daughter.

"Ah mom and Stevie are still sleeping."

Henry's weak answer did nothing to wipe the confusion off of Jason's face. Both his mom and Stevie should be at work by now.

"I'm actually gonna head back upstairs myself. Feel free to fill him in." Alison said nodding at her dad.

Quickly Alison hurried back upstairs, and Jason just watched her as she went.

"What was all that about?"

"Sit down Jason we need to talk."

Henry sunddenly regretted his choice of words.

"Why, what happened? Is mom okay? Is Stevie?" Jason demanded.

"Relax, everyone is okay for the most part. Last night while you were asleep Alison woke up with intense cramps and was bleeding, so mom and Stevie took her to the hospital, and it turns out she had a miscarriage."

"A miscarriage, like as in she was pregnant?"

"Yes."

Jason just sat back in his chair stunned. He was trying to process everything his dad has just said. His sister had a miscarriage. His sister was pregnant.

"I know this is a lot to process. I'm struggling with it too, but the best thing we can do is to just be there for Alison and try to act as normally as possible."

Jason just nodded his head. "Did she know that she was pregnant before it happened?"

"Yes she did."

"Did you and mom know?"

"No, the only other person who knew was Stevie."

"How far along was she?"

"Honestly I don't know. I figure she'll tell us when she's ready."

"Why didn't you wake me up? I should have been woken up."

Henry could see anger flash across Jason's eyes when he said this which surprised him, but then again maybe it shouldn't have. Jason liked to make everyone think he didn't care, but when it came to his sisters he was fiercely protective.

"I'm sorry Jace, I should have woken you up, but I wanted to let you sleep."

"I get that but I should've been told. I could have been there for Ali when she got back from the hostpital. I should've been there."

Henry could see that Jason looked defeated, and he really couldn't blame him. He felt the same way. He felt helpless. There was nothing he could do to take his daughters pain away, or his wife's for that matter.

"She's gonna be okay right?" Jadon questioned.

"Yeah she will buddy, she has all of us. We'll help her through it."

Jason just nodded.

"I think the girls are gonna be asleep a while longer, feel like taking a run with your old man."

"By run do you mean light jog old man."

"Hey now I can call myself an old man but you can't." Henry said pointing at Jason.

Jason just laughed and said "you're on."

Meanwhile once Alison got to the top of the stairs she decided to go see if her mom was awake. She peaked her head in and giggled at her mom sprawled out across her bed. Now that she thought about it, it was likely her dad tried to go to bed before her mom just so he could secure his spot.

She quietly tiptoed over to the bed and gently laid down next to her mom. She didn't want to wake her mom up considering the fact that she'd been up all night with her at the hospital, but Elizabeth's eyes flicked open anyways. No sooner had Elizabeth's eyes been open did she pull her daughter close to her.

"Hey baby you okay?"

Alison just nodded not meeting Elizabeth's eyes.

"Noodle I know what you're going through."

Alison's head shot up, "you do?"

Elizabeth just nodded. "A long time ago before Stevie was born I had a miscarrge while your dad was deployed."

"Oh my god mom I'm so sorry. How come I never knew about this."

"Because no one knew until today besides me."

"Not even dad?"

"Not even dad."

Alison couldn't believe her ears. Elizabeth McCord, her mom had a miscarriage and didn't even tell anyone.

"Does dad know now?"

"Yes. When we got home from the hospital this morning I told him, and it was one of the hardest things I've had to do. But I don't want you to make the same mistake I did. I didn't tell anyone not even your father because I thought it would be harder to talk about it, to tell people. I was young and dumb and I thought if I just dealt with it myself it would go away faster. But this pain is not one that goes away easily."

"Does it ever get easier?" Alison questioned.

"Yes it does, but you never forget."

Alison wiped away a few tears before continuing, "that's good because as much as I don't want to be in pain, I don't want to forget about the baby. I know I wasn't ready and it was horrible timing, but even still I already was starting to love him or her."

It was Elizabeth's turn to shed a few tears. "Noodle I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, let alone my daughter. You've handled this far better than I did, I'm so proud of you, and I'm here every step of the way. Things will get better but you are still gonna have good days and bad days, and I want you to know that anytime you want to come to me you can. Even if it's just to cry, that's fine. I will sit here and let you cry your heart out for however long you want."

"Thank you mom, I don't know what I would do without you, truly."

"Noodle I want to say something else. This miscarriage was in no way your fault. Nothing you did or didn't do caused this to happen, and I know you probably don't believe me. I don't think I ever forgave myself after what happened, but I don't want that for you. I want you to learn from my mistakes. I want you to let yourself grieve. It's the only way you will be able to move on and forgive yourself. Anytime you start to doubt or blame yourself I want you to come to me. I'm still trying to heal as much as you are, so I figure we can do it together yeah?"

Alison was full on crying now. Her mom has always been strong, and confident, yet here she was struggling just as much as she was.

"I love you mom, and everything you just said goes both ways too. If you ever want to talk to me about anything you can."

Elizabeth looked at her daughter in awe. She wasn't the little girl Elizabeth once knew, but a grown woman.

Soon Stevie walked in and asked if they wanted to watch a movie. Elizabeth and Alison both agreed, and all three McCord women curled up together content. Half way through the movie Jason and Henry walked in drenched in sweat and red in the face.

"I would like to set the record straight by saying that I indeed did beat Jason in a race."

"That because you cheated!" Jason exclaimed.

All three girls just giggled at the boys antics.

"I declare a rematch, there were no witnesses."

That sent all the McCords in to a fit of laughter.

"Come on who wants lunch?" Henry said.

"Me!" The three McCord children chorused.

Once the kids had left the room Henry and Elizabeth both made their way towards each other with Henry wrapping her in a hug.

"Henry I hate to tell you this but you smell."

Henry just pulled back and chuckled, "my apologies. How is Ali?"

"She's sad and in pain but she'll be okay."

"How are you?"

"Sad and in pain but I'll be okay." Elizabeth said smiling.

"You're the strongest woman I know Elizabeth McCord."

"I don't know, our daughters might have me beat."

"They learned by example." Henry said before kissing her deeply.

"Come on let's go eat with our beautiful children."

Henry and Elizabeth walked hand in hand down the stairs to see their three children laughing while they made lunch. Both Alison and Elizabeth faced a hard road of grieving ahead, but hard and happy aren't mutually exlusive.

A/N: ahhh so this is it. I hope you enjoyed. I know this story took a bunch of twists and turns (includig a many month hiatus) but I'd like to thank everyone who followed, favorited, and reviewed. It was you guys who saved this story and motivated me to continue. I know this story wasn't always the most uplifting, it dealt with really heavy subjects, but the main reason I wrote this story is to remind everyone that no matter what you are going through you are never alone.

P.s that last line about hard and happy is actually a quote from the nbc show the village. I wish I was that poetic.

P.p.s I am thinking about writing a one shot series surrounding a relationship between Stevie and Blake because sis I ship that so hard haha, dm me any prompts surrounding the two if you wish, or just comment them on this story!


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